I never envisioned myself writing about God, I have not always been a believer of Christ, see I lived in what I like to call a fog of what I truly thought was luck and pure coincidence. Trust me when I tell you It’s not that I call it that to pass judgment It’s that I legit had no idea how any of that really worked. Let me put it this way, have you ever been in a situation where you’re meant to drown and sink but instead you somehow stay afloat even though you had no strength to continue on?… I know I have and that’s truly where my confusion started, that’s usually when everyone starts to tell you how lucky you are to have gotten through what you have.
See a lot of people will tell you it’s all luck and It’s a little redundant me speaking on luck, but I spent a long time redundantly drilling into my head that every instance that was good came from luck and coincidence. I Idealized luck and never thought to thank God for any of it because I didn’t understand how to do that when I was scared because all I felt was shame and guilt. I grew up never knowing a whole lot about God or the way a relationship with God truly worked. I knew He was in Heaven I knew snippets of the Bible. I remember though I was SO scared to talk to God about my life because I was ashamed and I thought what’s the point anyway?.. I had no idea how much my life could turn around with just one true conversation with God.
See I grew up going to a Catholic Church and I had a different viewpoint of God and Jesus and it wasn’t all the church’s fault I never tried to ask or learn more than what I was being taught at the time. I started straying away from churches because I guess you could say… and here I go putting myself out there a tiny bit, I had a lot of church hurt growing up so I thought the way to deal with that was to rebel and do everything I thought would bring me “real happiness” SO I just ran away from God because I was stuck in the mindset of no matter how good I was bad stuff still was going to happen so if it was going to happen anyway, why not just do all the bad stuff. Little did I know that was a trap, a trap we often fall in. Spoiler Alert I never found true happiness or joy in drinking, hooking up, and saying no thank you to God. I think it’s easy to reach for those things when we’re not fulfilled when we don’t know where true joy comes from, and when we don’t even know our own purpose or when we think it’s all up to luck. I never expected to be running back to God and begging him to take me back, y’all when I tell you I had told myself I was good I was never going to be close with God because I believed I didn’t need to I thought luck had me. Y’all…. I thought I was so much better living in the dark never truly being happy or fulfilled and see here’s the thing about the dark is it doesn’t always look like a dark room or the darkness you naturally associate. Darkness comes in many forms and we don’t always recognize, so when it comes in the form of depression, anxiety, and drugs we think it’s normal. We normalize those things because we don’t truly understand it when we’re face to face with those things and have no knowledge of the truth and everyone telling you it’s luck instead. So again we start to look at it as the norm. I remember every single time I said, “ whew I got so lucky, I don’t know what I would’ve done had I not gotten lucky”.. I urge you to ask yourself, was it really luck or was it God saving you? I had to ask myself that a lot when I came to know Christ truly the amount of times I gave luck credit over God was crazy. Eight months ago I got a glimpse of who God truly is and I experienced the life that was being brought back into me I chose to live and reach for Him again that wasn’t luck or coincidence that was God. I don’t believe in luck anymore I do however believe in the favor God can give his children. I think it’s really hard to reflect on that question but when you do I urge you to put God’s name instead of luck and see just how many times God went above and beyond for YOU, his child. He’ll do it always.
God is good all the time