Singleness Stigma


I spent all my life watching romantic movies and viewing the portrayals of what I assumed love really was. I remember dreaming of my life like it was going to turn into the movies where my Prince Charming came to rescue me and we ran off happily ever after but that’s not quite how it really goes. See in all the movies and even in real life if you are single it means you’re doing something wrong and there’s all these tricks and ways you can better yourself to try to make yourself eligible for a relationship. I think those movies really made me view singleness as this horrible and lonely endeavor. So for almost always, I thought if I was single it was just this lonely and sad time like why couldn’t my Prince Charming just come after me. It’s funny actually, I spent so long seeing singleness as this horrific thing. The more I sought out learning about relationships themselves and singleness I realized I had the wrong view on all of it.This isn’t to say I’m an expert trust me I’m far from it but I definitely realized a lot of what I believed about singleness and even relationships was far off. See with Singleness it’s so much more than that, it’s actually a gift and I’m sad I spent so long avoiding it. It’s this beautiful time of rebuilding yourself and truly healing. It’s mastering dating yourself and honestly not to brag but I’m a pretty cool date (cue laugh track). It’s not just dating yourself though it’s time were you are building your true foundation with God It’s so much more than our generation makes it seem. It’s also a time to deepen in the covenant between you and God. A Covenant with God can seem like a lot but it’s really such a special thing. It is this intimate friendship between you and God, It’s a reckless pursuit of being lead by your Father and having this profound realization that you are never really as alone as you think you are in your singleness. It’s a gift that is often overlooked because it doesn’t look like what we would’ve picked for ourselves. I’ve learned more in my singleness than I have in anything else. I’ve opened up my heart to the will of whatever God wants to do in my life, whatever needs to be thrown out, whatever needs to be healed. It’s been a big reflection for me and a big learning opportunity. I will say though it wasn’t easy to realize the gift it was something that took me some time because it’s a complete reset of your mind on the topic.

I went into my singleness sad and I ate a lot of ice cream and watched the people in relationships around me with such envy. It’s because I truly craved a love like that and something I didn’t realize was when we’re bitter we derail discernment. I didn’t see that though because all I wanted was to be loved, I wanted to love someone, and have someone to do life with. I also went through this period of time were I kept wondering why nobody wanted me, why I seemed invisible. Feeling like your invisible can be really hard. I mean let’s be real, extremely hard. I even had the guy I liked, talking to me about the girl he was into on multiple occasions. Yikes I know. it’s kind of funny now when I look back on it though, I remember I was asking God why no one saw me like that and like a bag of bricks it hit me. During that conversation God reminded me of all these prayers I had prayed over myself about making me invisible to anyone because I had been very specific in my prayers when I first came to know Christ. I would pray often that I was invisible to all the guys in my life, especially my husband until I was ready and he was ready. I had forgotten that I used to be so intentional in that prayer and God really opened not only my eyes but my heart to what was really going on. What I was seeing as an issue was really just God protecting me and Him trying to highlight that I still had a lot to learn before I was ready. Sometimes the no’s in our lives are the biggest ways God protects us. I spent a while wishing I was with my person already before realizing I wasn’t ready, shocker I know. It’s actually one of the hardest things I had to realize and I would say that fully set in about six months ago. It took a lot of self reflection and self honesty to be able to realize I was far from ready. I didn’t know the first thing about how to love someone the way Jesus loves us. I had so much healing left to do and I had an unrealistic expectation of what love really is. Love is one of those words that is used so much and we sometimes forget what love really is. Love is so much more than we give it credit for. Love is being selfless, it’s choosing to love someone without condition, and it’s truly loving someone the way Jesus loves us. I didn’t know what love really was. I spent a majority of my life saying I love you and not really understanding the true depth and meaning behind the word. I had to completely reestablish what love was and what a relationship is in Christ. God really had to do a whole work within me, He showed me so much about love and relationships and opened my eyes up to what a relationship built on Gods’ foundation is. Not only what it is but what it requires. The self reflection and learning has been a trip y’all but it’s been amazing. Something that took me a long time to realize too is that we pick for our present but God picks for our future. God is preparing us for something far beyond what we could ever pick for ourselves. If we don’t take advantage of the true gift of singleness we end up in this place where we haven’t even found ourselves so how would we be able to find that person. When you allow God to move through you in your singleness you don’t have to worry about timing or who it will be, Gods’ timing is perfect. Take for example Ruth, God knew Ruth was gonna be out in the field working and taking care of not only herself but her mother in law and that spoke volumes to Boaz. Something else too is that Ruth wasn’t looking for Boaz and she was obedient and stayed in the will of God. If you haven’t read the book of Ruth I highly recommend you do that. The book of Ruth covers so much on what it looks like to stay in God’s will and to work hard and not be focused on finding your husband. Stay in the field, stay in the will of God, and build with God. Your singleness won’t be forever so take advantage of it and allow the growth. Allow yourself to lay down every expectation you have and give it to God. I promise the expectations you have for yourself now are so much less than what God truly wants for you. Our hearts are deceitful, we can’t rely on our hearts alone. Allow yourself to be focused on you and your own relationship with God. Don’t rush your singleness and don’t feel like you can’t do that fun stuff alone or with friends. I go and have dates with myself and Jesus. Y’all it sounds crazy but it’s truly preparing me for when I do end up entering into a relationship. When a season seems like it’s filled with inactivity it is truly a time to find ourselves in Christ and grow and prepare.

I cannot stress this enough but when we don’t prepare we won’t be ready for it when it does actually come into our lives. God wants to deposit things in our lives before we meet that person, He gives us our purpose before the person. Allow that to happen, surrender to the will of God and let Him lead you. How you stuart your singleness speaks to God on how He’ll be able to trust you with the person He has for you. This is also a huge time were God taught me the standards that are meant to be in a relationship and if I didn’t let Him teach me that I would be allowing my future relationship to set the standards for me. Letting God lead me prepares me for my husband leading me, every part of singleness is such a gift. Take the gift as it is. It doesn’t mean though that you’ll never want a relationship or see a couple and wish you had your person I still do that sometimes but I have a better understanding of why my time hasn’t come yet. Enjoy your singleness, I feel like I have said this a million times but truly enjoy it. It’s not forever and it’s something you don’t want to waste. I spent a long time wasting the gift and now that I’ve been enjoying it I’m actually okay with the waiting. I’m okay with whatever God wants to do throughout this. I know everything that I’m experiencing through singleness is preparing me to love someone how Jesus truly calls us to love and I wouldn’t want to enter into a relationship without being able to love someone the way Jesus is calling me to love. Enjoy your singleness, go on dates by yourself, and allow the growth to happen. Deepen your relationship with God first and plant a firm foundation for your future. Don’t seek that person instead seek God. Allow yourself to fully run to God

1 John 4:16: ” And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them

God Is Good All The Time

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